It's amazing how fast your life can change, just the blink of an eye. One week ago today I was sick, fighting an unusually high fever, feeling crummy, but things were still ok. Last Thursday I even went into the dr and little Jaret had a nice solid heart beat, everything was still fine other than me being sick. Saturday I'm still fighting the fever and go into the hospital all concerned because I hadn't felt him since the day before. He was gone...in the blink of an eye, gone. Saturday night Jaret Michael was born at 1 lb 4 oz and 11.5" but there were only tears of grief. He was so beautiful and perfect! Jas and I spent time with him before they took him away. Everyone is shocked, no one, not even the dr knows what happened. No one knows why my little boy died. When all the tests are in and all is said and done, we may never know.
I've cried more tears than i knew i had, yet still find tears surfacing at random times. Jason is heartbroken, but handling things as best he can. Julia keeps asking when the baby will be back from heaven and Justin has shed his tears and tried to put his mind around the why to it all. Jaret is in a better place though. He never had to endure the evil, the pain, the suffering of this world. Someday i'll get to hold my little boy again. Until that day, I miss him...my heart has a hole in it.
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